I’ve lived life regretting that my memory isn’t perfect, worrying that what I do remember is limited by my lackluster storytelling skills, and wondering what the meaning of my past experiences are given they’ve faded over time. Why does it matter that I dove to block a game-saving goal in the local soccer league playoffs as a child? Or went to swim practice for years and trained for hours at a time in the cold over-chlorinated pool? Went to “battle” with my cross country teammates race after race and the 4×800 meter relay team, giving all my body and soul with the guys I loved. Or that I had x,y,z exploit, failure, friendship, childish dream, high school drama, middle school award, you name it! What was it all for? The friendships, the small acts of kindness, effort, or lack there-of?
I’ve never been the nostalgic type or one to take pictures, instead I feel now that these all made me who I am today, if even on a subconscious level. The memories of my mentors, experiences, and friends may fade, but they live through my present self having shaped every part of who I am. And I them. Humanity is all these memories compounded across people and time. I am a small part of that. I am a part of that.
Road to Nowhere sums up the beauty of this mindset and brings back the memory of seeing David Byrnes live on one of my first escapades to New York City:
Well, we know where we’re goin’
But we don’t know where we’ve been
And we know what we’re knowin’
But we can’t say what we’ve seen
And we’re not little children
And we know what we want
And the future is certain
Give us time to work it out
We’re on a road to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin’ that ride to nowhere
We’ll take that ride
I’m feelin’ okay this mornin’
And you know
We’re on a road to paradise
Here we go, here we go
We’re on a ride to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin’ that ride to nowhere
We’ll take that ride
Maybe you wonder where you are
I don’t care
Here is where time is on our side
Take you there, take you there
We’re on a road to nowhere
We’re on a road to nowhere
We’re on a road to nowhere
There’s a city in my mind
Come along and take that ride
And it’s all right, baby it’s all right
And it’s very far away
But it’s growing day by day
And it’s all right, baby it’s all right
Would you like to come along?
And you could help me sing this song
And it’s all right, baby it’s all right
They can tell you what to do
But they’ll make a fool of you
And it’s all right, baby it’s all right
There’s a city in my mind
Come along and take that ride
And it’s all right, baby it’s all right
And it’s very far away
But it’s growing day by day
And it’s all right, baby it’s all right
Would you like to come along?
You could help me sing this song
And it’s all right, baby it’s all right
They can tell you what to do
But they’ll make a fool of you
And it’s all right, baby it’s all right
We’re on a road to nowhere
We’re on a road to nowhere
We’re on a road to nowhere
We’re on a road to nowhere